So, I've started birth control, and it certainly is the recipe for insanity. Crying over nothing, depression, and then complete absence.
If there was a way to describe these bouts of insanity: instead of seeing straight, you see around angles. Or through angles.

Last night, laying in bed, I felt very hot. It was god knows how many degrees of hell it was in my room, slick and sticky and stuck on bed sheets and against the paint of the wall and there was a certain point where the chemicals took me and I was very depressed and couldn't see why I was where I was. I couldn't feel any emotion beyond the sinking, and when I tried to recall how to care about something or someone, all I felt was this newfound hollowed out vacancy in my chest.
I was in bed with what I guess I can call my boyfriend, Joe, and the heat was so much and the craze was so intense I almost got up and sat in the tub. And then oppositely, I had the compulsion to wrap myself up in my comforter and stow away in it from the world and sweat out everything because it was so hot, I must have been cold, and the world feels like it's ending anyways.

I know bits of depression, I do. But never, I think, have I ever had such a chemical depression like this. Clinical feeling. I'm fine now.

But I'm a little scared at how this warps me.