Though motivated to do art, I can't seem to produce right now. I don't know.
I really want to go somewhere and restart my life sometimes. Canada, or South America. Europe would be cool too-- but I don't know. The Americas are very beautiful places that I would like to further explore.
I don't know what I want or what to do with myself. I miss seeing the stars.
I feel like I can't achieve right now in any way possible. Seeing things done and done again, sometimes I want life to be as simple as waking up and picking corn or building a small house and making a fire to roast fish over.
I miss going fishing. I want to go hiking.
But would I be truly satisfied with that life? If I lived like that for a year or two, would I desire the rush of the city? Maybe I could just be a nomad and live that way, and then go someplace else and readapt to a different lifestyle.
I can't really say.
All I know is right now I am feeling illogically distressed.

That last post still rings true, I suppose. I'm excited for life, but I don't know.
Things are depressing in minimal ways that somehow overcome me at the end of the day.

I had a dream the other night starting out with me looking into my bedroom in Philly. The walls were completely bare and there was no carpet; everything was gone in the room save for my bed, dresser, and laundry bags shoved to the side. My bed sheets were askew. There was piles of dust and puffs of Vivi's fur against the empty walls. In the center was a giant hole, and you could see the floorboards crushed and pushed downwards. It was very barren. I went downstairs, and it too was completely empty save for dust and fur. White walls everywhere.
Somehow I ended up outside and I started walking on a highway that was in the middle of nowhere; on either side of it was just a vast plain of grass stretching out toward the sky, except on my right side, very far away was an abandoned amusement park. It was either abandoned, or it was shut down for the winter. I saw my sister of the side of the road, and she was walking with a really nice fixed gear bike. She said she got it from Dad for Christmas, and I got really upset because that was the one thing I really wanted and she didn't even ride bicycles. A mac truck drove by and that was the end. I woke up uneasy.