So far so good. Extremely sleep deprived, but that's how I roll.
Super awesome! I got my friend Pasquale a job at Chang's as a backwaiter... I really want to backwait, dood. I want money and tips.

All I do is wait for replies from colleges, which is relieving. I should hear from MICA over the break and from UArts in the next few days about scholarships and whatnot... Please dear god let me have gotten something from MICA. Please oh please oh please don't force me to go to UArts. Like, I don't mind UArts that much... I applied. That's saying something. But jesus, MICA's definitely the better school. I don't want to be backed into a corner where UArts gives me more money (if any) than MICA and then because my father is paying, I am obligated to go there. Fucking hell, I wish I could make choices for myself! Also my dad might make me commute... And I don't want to do that either. Fuck! I wish that MICA would just dump a shitload of money on me. That'd be fantastic, because then I could go live on campus there and my dad would have nothing to say about it because it's giving me more money.

Unfortunately you and I both know that this shall not happen.

Sigh.

Still have 2 more art projects to do, a bowl, 2 goblets and that animal vessel, and now only about 50 pages more of my screen play due in a week. Kemery said that we could have 75% of our screenplay done by Thursday, complete it over break, email it to him, and then print it out for the Monday we return. This is grand news.

I'm feeling a lot of different things lately. This love/hate for myself. I want to say accept people the way they are, but I call myself fat all the time and I hate it. I bring it up here and we all have a pity party, but it's true. Because I don't like myself, I feel like no one else can. I have fat legs and cellulite and a belly and not enough boob to make up for it, you know? I'm deathly afraid of that double chin people get; it runs in my family a bit. I'm always feeling for that and I hate it. I really like this one boy, but he's so skinny, and I'm afraid that I fucking weigh more than him. I guess I deal more heavily with appearance than I'd like to, but it makes sense seeing how that's going to be my job. Drawing people and likenesses and caricatures and creatures and what have you. Gah.
I don't even know why I worry over this shit because it's complete shit.
Such bullshit! But it hurts my heart. Fucking hell.
Nothing will come out of this, anyways. It'll be like every other time and every other rant.

I just want to leave here sometimes. Be done with school and everyone and go to college and make a new life. Keep the friends I have here that are important but scrap the rest. That's what I did last time. I always feel a bit reminiscent.

I like wasting time. So tired.

I'm really glad that Pasquale and Kyle Gray are going to be at PF Chang's, though!