Oh my god. I think I actually might resort to calling him. The guy I was talking about where I lost his friendship and whatever. I have his number. But I have fear. But I kind of miss him. But I don't know if he'll explode at me or hang up on me or what. If he doesn, I'll probably deserve it... or at least part of it. Some of this he brought upon himself by assuming too much. I don't want to be a jerk, but it's true. Unfortunately I cannot let him take all the credit; the rest is all me.

The later it gets (like, the later the night gets) the more emotional I get. It's so weird. Maybe because it gets quieter and I feel more alone? Maybe because I'm the only one awake it seems, and even if I'm not alone, I feel like only conscious human?

Dude, my dog actually goes out of her way to find my hands and then lick them. I am trying to type, but it is hard with a tongue constantly darting at your fingers and a nose finding hiself in your palm. I'm sure you all know what I mean and have experienced it. Every single one of you.

Art is a kick in the face. I'm doing this oil painting thing and I cannot get the one leg right because of perspective issues and it doesn't look fluid enough. That is HARD, fluidity is. Oh my GOD. I have so many issues with it.

I try to resist hormones and stuff, but fuck, IT NEVER WORKS. I do a lot of stupid things around my period. I'll be a zombie and not like anyone at all, and then all of a sudden it's a week before my period, and then I'll like almost every single boy I come in contact with-- or I'll like only one, but I'll like him so profoundly that it physically hurts and I will be 'eeehhh' to all other ones. I wish I could be normal sometimes and just have settled with whoever offered themselves to me. It actually would probably be best that way.

You know what-- next time that happens I'm just going to be whatever and let it happen (unless if they're way way way too creepy like this one guy who likes me and is friend with my friend... Oh my god, he fucking freaks me out)(EDIT: AND WITH AARON WARDER'S APPROVAL). Even if I don't like the person 'in that way', I'll just say sure, warn them of my little experience, and do whatever and see how it goes. Everyone everyone everyone who's ever asked me to go out with them, I've turned down. There haven't been that many, and that is understandable, but yeah. This is why I've never had a boyfriend. Time to remedy that.

Anyhow, done with my boy rants. I seem to have a lot of them. I'm old and tired.