Naked.

Well, I thought I'd try and do that thing where you copy the masters' work. Soooo yeah. I didn't copy it as much as I should. I didn't tilt his head or put that little olive thing in it. I concentrated most on the body because I don't draw males enough. And his eyes were abnormally large in the painting.

And I also have some side views of friendly people from school. I can never catch a head on one. Oh well. And they always look down.




Things have been bothering me lately. I'm still upset over the friend I lost. I think I was more than a little harsh. I am really a bitch sometimes. But I'm honest, what can I say? I've never been good at true lying (only fake lying, like acting lying) and have developed a kind of resistance to it. I can't do it. And I can't bottle things up. And that's why people think I'm weird. Of course there are some things I must bottle, but for the most part, I put them here.
But they're dumb things or things that no one can really understand.
What is the tension of just waving to someone in the hallway? Why is that so difficult to do?
These people we know, we cannot even smile?
I am some organic mechanical mixture. I have some emotions that fill me to the brim, and then others lie dead inside of me. I don't feel pity often for people. I feel bad that I don't, which is pity for my lack of pity, I guess. I don't like admitting this, but I didn't not feel much at all when my Grandmom Rita died. Sometimes the words "I love you" mean nothing. They are like a phrase repeated like at work.
"Enjoy your meals."
"I love you."
I love you, yes, but not at all times can I feel the love in my heart. It is like something I am required to say. It is sad because the only people I say I love you to are people in my family. I love them, but sometimes I just cannot feel the love to say it.
And now we loop around.
What could I have said to him? What he wanted?
I can only half regret it now. I only want half of what he wanted. Yo, let's be friends in peace and harmony.
I say what I am. I am a bitch. I am sorry.
I am alone. I am okay.
I want something more.
But if this is all that I can have, I guess it is all right.
I don't understand why we cannot talk. It is ridiculous for people to do that to themselves.

Hah. For a half-robot, I am actually filled with an abundance of forgiveness for life on earth.
I love color, I love the world.