Guys. I'll put art up soon. But I am in a slight crisis. Being poor ALL THE TIME really sucks. Like, honestly. I have 10 dollars to my name. It's been like this for the last week. 10 dollars.
So I think I might quit my job in search of a better paying one, because I don't want to be a workaholic and work 40 hours a week like an old woman. I am young and vibrant! Plus, if I worked that much, I would go insane. Literally. There are signs of it showing already.

But anyhow. Supposedly I'll be getting a dollar raise soon because I'll be working at P.F. Chang's for 5 months, which'll put maybe an extra 20 dollars in my pocket. But really, I don't think it'll be enough. I hate stressing over money problems, but this is what I do. My freedom is based on money. I cannot escape it. So, since I am almost like a guru now, having done all positions of front-of-house restauranteering (besides managing), perhaps I should go looking for yet another job as a waitress. I'm looking at La Campagne, The Carriage House, The Emerald Fish, Tortilla Press, Word of Mouth... Basically trying to look for places with signs of management, but still being a little lax with certain things. P.F. Chang's is the most tightly run place I've ever seen, and the last 2 places I've worked at were TERRIBLE with management. It was nonexistant at A Little Cafe, and Yamato was run by a frickin dictator. The waitresses had to figure out their own schedules. Yoshi (my ex-boss) has this apartment that he rents out to his employees (which is the weirdest thing I've ever heard of). Like, 4 of them would live in the same apartment. I've been in there. It was weird and cramped and the only furniture were the beds. Yan, my co-worker (who now works at CVS with my dad) couldn't do a lunch shift one time because it conflicted with her CVS job (but the job was secret from Yoshi), so he threatened to kick her out of the apartment.
So um yeah. She quit there. Yoshi's a fucking bastard. I used to like him when I didn't work there.

Restaurants are so strange. Good money (sometimes), but the people you have to deal with are just ohmygod. I think I'm going to embark on a job hunt tomorrow. I really like the people at P.F. Chang's. I also really liked my co-workers at Yamato (except for boss). But damn it.

All work is meant for, really, is the money.

Does anyone else here feel that they're not going to live to be at a real old age? Does anyone have a real desire to? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I'm going to die," and then just felt a little put out? It's so strange how we're all going to disappear like that. I've been in a bit of a downish mood today and last night. Thinking about life. My future. The inevitable. I don't want to die, but what if it's better than what is here now? If if it's just some place to simply exist, no responsibilities or cares or worries or happiness, sadness. Some place just to be. Like being a stone. You secretly are aware of everything, but have no will to do anything. You have no will. You just are. It's weird thinking of it this way. But I would like to live my life while I have it.

Anyone else have anything insightful or anything like that? Like theories on life and death. I would love to hear. I'm slightly obsessive with these kinds of things.